One of the issues Lucien came to counselling with was his paralysis around commencing a new venture for his life. He had long been holding onto an idea about a new direction for his life which involved his current line of work (electrician), but setting himself up in his own business.
Lucien had received lots of positive feedback from family and friends who saw in Lucien the ability and qualities to make such a venture a success. The evidence seemed to suggest Lucien could make a go of it, however Lucien struggled with taking the steps to translate a dream into reality. Lucien claimed that he couldn’t go forward because he was fearful about such a big step. Lucien explained how he believed the presence of the fear was a signal to him that it wasn’t the right time to go forward.
Lucien was holding onto a belief that convinced him that the presence of fear was a bad sign and that other people wouldn’t feel this fear if they were facing the same circumstances. He’d been waiting patiently for the fear to disappear, imagining this was the signal that the time was right. However, by Lucien’s measure the right time hadn’t come and so he was still waiting.
It came as a startling revelation to Lucien to consider that it would be usual for people to feel apprehension in such circumstances. It was even more startling to learn that some people don’t wait for fear or apprehension to disappear before proceeding with a new direction in their life. Lucien had always taken for granted that feelings of fear must mean he was not ready to proceed. This mistaken belief had been shaping his life for quite a while.
Lucien at once understood where he had tripped himself up and why his life hadn’t been progressing in the way he had hoped and dreamed of. He discovered this same flawed idea (fear means don’t proceed forward) had been holding him back all through his life. Once he set aside his old pattern of thinking Lucien was able to understand that he could take the next step even while he still felt apprehensive about it.
There may be good reasons not to proceed with major changes of direction in our lives, and not all next directions will turn out to be great for our lives, however holding back solely based on the presence of fear is probably not helpful or useful.
“Courage, contrary to popular belief, is not the absence of fear. Courage is the wisdom to act in spite of fear.” –John Roger & Peter McWilliams
3 responses so far ↓
1 David Menadue // Apr 14, 2008 at 12:24 pm
This article was very useful for my current thinking about an issue in my life. Being HIV-positive and having a few health issues along the way has probably compounded my reluctance to do new things, like this person,but I take heart from the sentiments expressed here. Thankyou.
2 John // Apr 14, 2008 at 12:40 pm
There seem to be many more pathways into fear than there are out of it.
Although it may not always be appropriate, one path out of fear is to push right through it.
Fear can be like the large shadow cast on a wall by a small flickering candle, but turning on the light in the room can show us that the object casting the large shadow is actually quite small.
3 Lucy // Jan 19, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Thanks for a beautifully concise story that sums up the challenge that we all face when we get stuck in the fear, rather than facing it and moving forward.
There is such great power in sharing this message with others. It seems that we generally shy away from talking about this experience in society and this leaves people feeling like they alone are having the experience.
I would recommend Susan Jeffers “Feel the Fear … And Do It Anyway” to anyone who is looking for extra support on this topic. I run workshops under licence from Susan Jeffers LLC based on this book and feel very lucky to regularly see the value people gain in both sharing their own story and hearing the stories of others.
http://www.lucyfraser.com.au/FeeltheFearWorkshops.php
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